I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
