i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
