bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
