He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
