All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
