ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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