I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
