He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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