if only i could text you this smell
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
