I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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