I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
