Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
