Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
soo... how was my night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
