just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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