why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
