When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
