Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
