I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
