listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
