I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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