evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
