I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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