last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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