I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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