I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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