He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
