I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
