The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I supernannyed him into submission
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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