he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
