I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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