Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
