So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Your penis caused this!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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