I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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