I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
