Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
