Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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