his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
