he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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