why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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