you guys were way drunker than both of me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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