I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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