He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
