I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
even my farts smell like vagina
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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