I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
