dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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