i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
