I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize