and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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