; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This baby is an asshole
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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