Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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