I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
