I am in a vortex of obligation.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Randomize
