4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
