Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
