speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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