we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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