put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
