you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
