thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
