So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you never un-have a 4some
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
