Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
