apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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