I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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