Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She announced her abortion via fbk
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
