So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
