the condom got lost in my hair
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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