i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
