I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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