Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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