Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
