Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize