I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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