Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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