if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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