I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
