Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
