I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
