Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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