Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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