I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
