i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
